Home with the Kid – After Day Thirty

My 30 days ended on Monday.

If I'd known it would be this hard, I would have never started. If I'd known I'd get this close to my son, I would have started much sooner.

Back in high school, I had a history teacher who was an exceptionally grumpy jerk. He never cared about anything, no story moved him, he showed no regard for anyone or any external circumstances. Never, and I mean never, not even for a single second, did he stay in the classroom longer than necessary. When the bell rang, he stood up and walked out without a single word. I don't think he even knew our names, and I'm sure he didn't care.

He came in, taught the lesson, and left.

He would fail students with a 1.9 (grade) with a poker face, gave unexcused absences to anyone who entered the room 3 seconds after the bell, and generally, with deadly calm, he didn't give a damn about anything that wasn't about the curriculum, recitations, or tests.

Then one day everything changed. He came in, sat down in his chair, and smiled. I thought, "Damn, either we're in big trouble, or he massacred everyone in Blaha Lujza Square and finally found peace."

He sat in his chair, smiling, then began.

He said not to be angry, but he couldn't hold his class today because his daughter had been born yesterday.

And then this man, who until then had no connection with us, didn't talk to us, didn't seek our company, and in fact, by rushing out of the room, he never even gave us a chance to introduce ourselves, well, this man sat opposite us and for 45 minutes, with a glassy-eyed gaze, talked about what a wonderful thing it is to become a father.

The man recounted everything. To this day, I remember one of his sentences when he spoke about how, after a while, only he understood what his wife was saying during childbirth, and the doctors kept asking him what she was saying. They were so in sync, and there was some depth I don't remember anymore, but this grumpy, rigid, absolutely distant man almost cried with happiness in front of us as he recounted every emotional detail of his daughter's birth.

We didn't understand what was happening. We were 16, we didn't know what to make of it all. I mean, we boys didn't understand, the girls were in a trance experiencing the moments evoked by the teacher.

We, especially me, absolutely didn't understand how such a distant, emotionless person could become someone who would embrace the whole world in a single day.

I didn't understand it then, but I certainly do now.

The birth of a child changes everything and everyone, and when they are born, that's when you truly arrive.

What you thought was happiness before, you didn't know then what it felt like when your child fell asleep on you; what you thought was pride before, you hadn't seen your child stand up for the first time, hadn't heard them speak for the first time, hadn't seen them develop day by day.

I don't know if I've ever been as happy as I have been in these 30 days, but I say all this knowing that I didn't spend a single day metaphorically groveling on the ground begging for mercy.

Just as our teacher in high school, the arrival of our children changes all of us, and it is then that we truly realize that our entire lives have been leading up to this. Our whole life is about finding the right partner with whom one day we will have children.

I could elaborate on this at length, but those who are already parents know exactly what I'm talking about, and for those who aren't yet, I wish them to experience it as soon as possible. It will be incredibly difficult, a huge struggle, the burden will be unbearable, and there will be enormous pressure on you, and do you know what else there will be? This will be the happiest period of your life, regardless of what adventures you've had, where you've traveled, what parties you've been to, what successes you've achieved, how much you earn, who you were before, or who you are now.

This will be better. Much better.

Finally, I owe my thanks, first and foremost, to my wife, Reni, who was a partner in this exchange, and without whom I truly could not have done this.

And then I thank those mothers who, 30 days ago, wanted to chainsaw me to death because of my infamous post "What do women want, why isn't staying home good enough for them?". If they hadn't unleashed such enormous anger on me, I would never have started this one-month stay at home, and perhaps I would never have found out what it's like to truly be a father, not just a man who, with the money he brings home, thinks he's done his part in fatherhood with the cry of "but I support the family." Yes, I was that man too.

And of course, thanks to those who followed these 30 days. I saw you, I read your comments. I was glad you were here, and I was glad for those mothers who greeted me or stopped me on the street and wished me endurance.

On May 6th, "At Home with the Child for 30 Days" will be released in book form. There are a few posts I wrote but didn't put on the site. These posts will be included in the book along with the already published days, the entire 30 days. One thousand copies of the book will be produced.

Thank you once again for being here and following these 30 days. Now I will withdraw for a short time to write what will fundamentally define the future of LifeTILT for years to come.

I'll be back when I'm done. Until then, bye.