At Home With the Kids – Day Twelve

We're still in the same day, the one where I was going crazy with the kid in the city for 9 hours. More precisely, it's the night of that day. 

I had already put the kid to bed, tidied up the apartment, and when I finished everything at 11, I went into my room and lay down on the floor. For a while, I just lay there and existed, then after a while, I started thinking about the next day, which didn't promise to be easy or simple.

Tomorrow is Reni's surgery, tomorrow is my son's birthday, which my parents have been preparing for weeks, for a change, I have to sign a contract and of course, I have to go to the bank again. Just thinking about all this exhausted me, which is quite an achievement because I didn't think there were even deeper levels of fatigue than I was in at that moment. 

I'm lying on the floor, and suddenly Réka, our babysitter, texts me to wish Reni good luck with her surgery and to kiss Ádi for her because she misses him a lot.

For a while, I just stared at the message, and the longer I looked, the more I knew that no matter how much I didn't want to, I had to ask her for help. 

This was the point where I broke.

I thought I could get through these 30 days alone, without any help, but I reached a point where I'd rather drink out of a baboon's spittoon than ever go through another day like the last one. 

Reni had surgery at 8:30 AM, meaning I and the kid had to be there by 8:15 AM at the latest, so Reni could see us before they wheeled her in. This was Reni's request, but even if she hadn't asked, we would have gone. You understand, all this on the kid's birthday. 

So I called the babysitter over for 7 AM, but not to stay home with the kid, but to come with us and look after Ádi. I actually see this as a clear failure, that I sought help, and at this point, let's clarify one important thing because there's this insane incomprehension that a successful businessman doesn't have money for a babysitter and other similar idiotic comments.

But I do. In fact. I could bring in a chef, but not just a chef, I have my own food delivery company, it wouldn't even cost me money. I could bring in a cleaning lady every day and I wouldn't have to do anything at home. I could hire a housekeeper, but I could also bring in two babysitters. One for the day, one for the night, but I didn't sign up for that. 

I didn't sign up for this because this isn't reality. The man works, the woman stays home with one or more children, help is nonexistent or very little, everything has to be managed alone. This is Hungarian reality today. I am putting myself in this life situation, I am trying this out for these 30 days, because only this way can I get a realistic picture of the difficulties of raising children. 

And there are plenty of difficulties.

It was a matter of minutes, but Ádi and I were there when Reni was wheeled into surgery. I was there in the afternoon after Reni woke up, and that evening Ádi and I were there again so the three of us could be together and celebrate Ádi's 1st birthday. 

At the Oncology department.

I won't go into how much the surgery affected Reni now, she'll write about it if she wants to, but I definitely have to write about how much it affected Ádi that his mother was in the hospital. 

Obviously, he doesn't understand it rationally, but he sensed what was happening around him,

because children may not know everything, but they certainly feel everything.

Ádi was very restless that day, I would even say confused, and it was clear something was bothering him.

Babysitter help all day or not, Ádi was very tired again by evening, but we still had to go to my parents' place, because they also wanted to celebrate the kid's birthday. My parents love the kid in an insane way. It's hard to describe with words right now, so I'll just put a picture here of how my parents were waiting for Ádi.

By the end of the evening, Ádi was so tired that I left him at my parents' place to sleep over. I didn't want to make the kid suffer through another trip home, so this was best for everyone, but primarily for Ádám.

Finally, I don't want to try for cheap sensationalism, I'd rather just simply state that we are not in a good state. Neither Ádi, nor Reni, nor I. I don't know if this is solely and exclusively because Reni is currently battling a serious illness, and it's affecting the whole family. Maybe that's the reason.

But it's also possible that we are not in a good state because we have completely overturned the old, well-functioning order at home, and currently, it's not the woman, but I, who is trying to create the system and provide the warmth of home.