Workout plan design

In the world of personal trainers, there's a country where the biggest assholes gather. This country is called Assholetania, and its inhabitants are known, without exception, as the biggest jerks.

Not just because every personal trainer in Assholetania has an OKJ aerobics certificate obtained in 2 days, proving they're an clueless idiot, but also because these personal trainers became personal trainers simply because they weren't wanted anywhere else. They don't care if they're personal trainers now, or showing an apartment in the 11th district, or trying to sell pots to a retired couple at a home party in Csepel or Dunakeszi.

They are the livelihood personal trainers, who became trainers without any faith, love for sports, or conviction. And someone who lacks heart and love for their profession, someone who generally has no emotion behind what they do, is already screwed, or will be very soon.

Every ethnic group or culture is characterized by a kind of common trait that makes them instantly recognizable. This is no different for trainers from Assholetania, because while the Chinese are diligent ants, the Russians are the wildest white people, and Africans can golf with their dicks, livelihood personal trainers simply don't give a shit about anything, especially your workout plan, which they shove into your hand. Let's delve into this workout plan issue for a few thoughts and see what it actually looks like.

You've made up your mind to change. So you set out and look for a gym. Obviously, you'll go to the one closest to you, or the one you saw the "GYM" sign on from the tram 67 on your way home.

So you walk into this gym, and you have no idea about anything, but that's perfectly fine. You should have seen me at 16, how much trouble I was in when I first pulled down a girl's panties with the intention of going in. So the point is, at the beginning, you know nothing about anything.

You don't know how to choose a trainer. Who will be ideal for you, how well you can connect, what results you can expect from them, because it's clear to everyone that the difference between "zero change," "some visible results," "decent results," and "brutal transformation" lies solely in the personal trainer, nothing else.

At first, you know nothing, just that they're a trainer, and that's it. You're not familiar with the exercises, how the machines work, let alone where that trainer stands professionally on that certain ladder. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. My washing machine once broke down. The guy came, and after turning a knob and doing something inside, he charged me 14,000 forints after about 1 minute of "work." Now, I might have been ripped off, and the only problem was that the washing machine wasn't plugged in, but I knew so little about washing machine repair that I paid for the repair.

It's the same with personal trainers. You go there, and in response to "what do you want to achieve," you deliver your usual female spiel, which will always be the following, because every woman gives this answer. Seriously, if I ever didn't get this answer, I'd suddenly think I had a stroke and entered another state of consciousness.

"I want to lose weight and tone up. I want my thighs to be firmer, my butt rounder, and my stomach to go down, and you know, my arms, so they don't jiggle, I want them firmer too."

What usually happens then? The Assholetanian trainer pulls an A4 sheet of paper from their folder and shoves it into your hand, exclaiming, "Here, this is your workout plan!" You understand, all this when three minutes ago they didn't even know your name, but you already have your workout plan, and what are you waiting for, you can start training right away.

Well, this is exactly the jerk who will give the same sheet of paper with the same exercises to you, who might have 5 extra kilos, and also to the woman who has 30 extra kilos and is 25 years older than you; in other words, they give it to everyone.

This is the worst. This type is despised even in Assholetania like shit. If you meet such a trainer who gives you a printed workout plan after 2 minutes of talking without knowing anything about you, feel free to turn them around and kick them hard in the ass. Don't worry about their spine, it won't break, because they don't have one.

The next level is no better than the previous clown.

The personal trainer who writes rapid workout plans no longer has the nerve to operate with a pre-printed workout plan, but they don't have to go too far in their charlatanry either. The rapid monkey at least minimally cares about appearances, or rather, they at least care about the illusion. You know, as if they knew what they were doing. They sit down, look serious, puff a lot, and after they also find out your goal (see above), they grab paper and pen, and then write you a 3-day workout plan on the spot :))))))))))))))))))). This type is my favorite, by the way, because this type usually really considers themselves a serious professional, who tries to communicate to you that they are such a hotshot that they know what you need just by looking at you, and what exercise will be the most ideal for that.

Fuck your current physical condition, your endurance, your lungs' oxygen uptake capacity, the fitness level of your muscles are not an issue. Your coordination skills and the development level of your body awareness are not important. None of this is essential, only that you already have a cool handwritten workout plan from a clown who only knows about you that you are a woman, and perhaps they asked your age and weight.

However, if anyone thought that the above types couldn't be surpassed, they were mistaken, because now comes the most dangerous idiot. Now comes the type who has a few exercises in their head, and they arrange them one after another like someone drawing the lottery numbers. They reach into the sphere and stir it well, then pull something out, and that's the first exercise that comes to mind, without any concept or consciousness whatsoever.

Shoulders after legs, legs after some bodyweight exercise, then a little back, then after back again legs, followed by abs, but based on what, really no one knows. But you, who are there for the first time, won't notice, because you don't understand it. You think you're in good hands, when in fact the good hands are yours, with which you should slap this jerk.

You go home, maybe you even feel muscle soreness the next day, and you think everything is fine. But why wouldn't you feel muscle soreness? In the recent past, the most strenuous thing in your life was carrying home the ALDI shopping bag.

You go to this bird for 1-2 months, and you don't understand why there's no change, why your weight isn't changing, why the inches aren't decreasing, why you don't see any change in the mirror. Oh, and you should also be following a diet, and your trainer didn't say a single damn word about it? But why would they have? If they've humiliated the workout plan, why would they keep the effectiveness in mind? They don't care.

If you know a bird by its feathers and a man by his friends, then a trainer can be known by their workout plan. And a workout plan can only be written or compiled if the trainer has gotten to know you. No one can have a workout plan put together without at least a cardio or weightlifting assessment preceding it.

But I'll go further, this isn't even enough to put together a workout plan. This is only enough to lay the foundations. The assessments will only show you where the starting point is from which training can even begin. The two assessments will accurately show a person's weak points. The strengths and weaknesses of their body parts.

Can the poor thing do a proper female push-up even once? Can they hold their own body weight for at least 30 seconds, or can they control their body enough to copy the movement you show them?

It seems so simple from the outside, but the deeper one delves into a given topic, the more they realize that it's damn well not that simple. When I started editing videos, at first I wanted everything immediately. No need for a guide, and no way am I going to read the 160-page user manual for the video editing program. How to cut, merge, how to mix sound, and that's it, that's enough for me, let's just get on with it.

But superficial knowledge will only lead to superficial results. Either we invest time and energy in something and do it well, or we really shouldn't do it at all, because it's pointless. It won't yield results, you'll only gain a sense of failure, and you'll have only a negative opinion of this beautiful sport we call weight training. And why? Because you weren't willing to invest energy in what is the foundation of everything. In your knowledge. Because there's one thing you should never forget.

WHOEVER REGRETS SPENDING MONEY ON THEIR OWN EDUCATION SHOULD NOT FORGET TO ACCOUNT FOR THE COSTS OF THEIR IGNORANCE.

I promised you a butt-shaping workout plan. What I promised, I will deliver, but not in the way you think or want. First, you need to understand the "why," so that you can then understand the "how." The workout plan that will allow you to achieve great results will come together, and by the time it does, you will also know why it came together that way.