You have to build your new life

I am saying now that this stay at home will last for many more months. I hope I'm wrong, but it will be so. It won't be like this because the presence of the virus demands it, but because of the behavior of society and the long-term defiance of basic instincts, it will drag on for a very long time. Of course, this is compounded by the peak escalation of disregarding rules, something we Hungarians are damn good at, because if we had to be described in two words, it would be "we'll figure it out smartly."

I'm no stranger to this mentality myself, but it doesn't work in the current situation. As I write these lines, my family and I have been home for 31 days. For 31 days, we haven't gone anywhere where there is more than one person, and ideally not even where there is one. We don't go to supermarkets, we order everything we can online, and we don't try to justify going somewhere with 150 other people just because it's outdoors.

I'm not doing this because I'm so afraid of the virus, because honestly, I don't give a damn. I'm home because of my 2-year-old son, and I told Reni a month ago that we're staying home, there's nothing to discuss. Because of my 2-year-old son, and so that this whole insane situation ends as soon as possible, because it's not healthy. 

The way millions of people live now is simply not healthy. This confinement is not healthy, it's not good for any human relationship, and while this stay-at-home period undoubtedly has wonderful moments, there's peace in it, my relationship with my child is incredibly good, and he's tremendously happy that we're home, but it's getting harder day by day.

It would be easier if I could see the end, if I could see that in two more months everyone could go about their business, but that's not what I see. What I see is that good weather is coming, increasingly better weather, and it's impossible to keep people at home.

I don't blame anyone. In fact, I could even say that I understand them perfectly, because anyone who has to endure this home quarantine not in a house with a garden, but in an apartment or a panel building, and what's more, with one or more children, well, I believe everything they say and understand everything. When I said that this is not healthy and is unsustainable not only socially but also familially, I'm primarily thinking of something like this.

77 m2.

This is the living space of an average Hungarian family. The majority of Hungarians live in apartments of this average size, and now we really expect these families to live cooped up in 70 or 80 m2 for months on end? 

It's not going to work, and that's precisely why it will last for a very long time. I'm saying half a year now, but I wouldn't rule out a year. I wouldn't rule it out, and this is where what completely drives me crazy comes in, that I don't see the end.

Today I talked to an acquaintance who said he was optimistic. He thinks it will be over in a month, to which I asked him how he could possibly think that. In Italy alone, they've been struggling for 2 months to somehow get the daily death toll below 500, but even that isn't really working. But even if it did, what would happen next? If there are only 100 deaths a day, will the buffets open and the festivals begin? How did it start here, maybe we still remember. 

Two weeks and it's over. Then it was that things would settle down by early April, then that became June, and now we're at September, or rather October for the peak. I repeat, the peak. Not the end of the epidemic, but the worst conditions are expected in October. 

What are we talking about?

The virus could be stopped in China, although I hear there will be a little after-effect there too. In a dictatorship, this might work, but in countries with big, self-conscious, egocentric, "my life, my decision" type of freedom and rights, it won't work. In China, there was a two-month strict lockdown. Not this playful, flimsy thing that we have now, where the sun shines, the temperature goes above 20 degrees, and then people stand in kilometer-long queues at Bauhaus. Do you understand this? At Bauhaus, for crying out loud. I guess they needed a screw set or a curtain rod, but I even understand that.

After the fourth week of voluntary quarantine, people are now rationalizing why they need to leave their homes, what vital shopping they supposedly need to do, behind which, in every case, there is only one thing: anywhere, for any reason, just so they don't have to rot at home anymore.

If it were October or November now, it might still work to some extent, but like this, in the middle of a raging spring, it's completely forgettable. This isn't stupidity or irresponsibility, but simply that kind of affirmation of life and satisfaction of basic human needs that cannot be prevented. 

It will last a long time, a very long time, and the more we see queues in front of every Aldi and Lidl as if money were being handed out, the more it will not change, and it will only last longer. Parks, playgrounds, and parking lots can be closed, police can go to people standing in front of ice cream parlors and tell them to keep their distance, but as long as Tihany has to be closed to Hungarian tourists and every town on the waterfront, or because there's a lángos stand with 45 people in line, then there's nothing to talk about.

I don't want to describe the ultimate solution, although I'd love to write: "damn curfew for everyone over 65," but thinking about it more deeply, not just for them, but for everyone, and not now, but let's say 3 weeks ago. Send out the army and the police, and whoever breaks the rules gets a hefty fine, say 600,000. Then maybe it would be over in 3-4 months, but like this? My God, the longer I write this post, the more hopeless I see this whole thing. 

The main thing is that everyone should prepare for this situation to last for a while, and there's no hope that it will end sooner than half a year.

I don't want to go into deeper sociological analyses, but every person and especially every family would do better to settle into a life they are currently living for the long term. 

But rather not. 

Not the one you're living now, because that won't be enough. A much stricter life than this, with really minimal leaving of home, and then maybe in 6-8 months it can truly be over.

But until that time comes, we must do something with ourselves. We need to build a system in which we live. A new system is needed, because what we were used to in the old world no longer works in this new world. Everyone needs to re-establish a system that allows them to survive this period with the healthiest possible mind.

In recent days, I've been reading about prison psychology because this current situation most resembles a prison. You can't go anywhere, but even if you do, the feeling of confinement, hundreds of restrictions, and the fact that you're not free, because you're not free, constantly sit in your daily life. It's one thing that no one can even leave the country, but now you really can't go anywhere, or if you do, the fear of the virus will always be in your head, fear will be with you everywhere. You're increasingly forced home and you realize that it's almost like you're under house arrest, and let's face it, you are.

A basic rule of all prison life is that you must establish a daily routine and adhere to it under all circumstances, otherwise you will fall apart and everything around you will fall apart.

This is how it looks for me.

One week I'm on morning duty, the other week Reni is. The point is that if I'm on morning duty, I get up with the child at 6:30 AM and I'm with him until noon when he goes down for a nap. When the child wakes up, Reni comes in for her afternoon shift until bedtime, and we switch the following week.

This is the first and most important thing: if you have a young child at home, you have to divide tasks and you need hours when you're not dealing with the child, or most importantly, anyone, and you can rest, recharge, and build.

And speaking of building. 

Everyone needs to build their new life. You can look for the routines we lived by before, but the old world no longer exists. Many still fall into the trap of trying to integrate their old life into the present one. To maintain as much as possible the rhythm they lived by before, but unfortunately, this is not possible. 

There's a new world, a new system is needed. The scope of action is smaller, everything has changed, and if everything around you has changed, then you too must adapt and transform your life.

That's what this post was about.

How to transform your life in this new, confined, and opportunity-deprived world. A new world where you need a daily routine, you need a system, you need to rest, and you have to do all this at home so you don't go crazy.

It won't be over in 2 months. I don't believe it will be over in half a year, and you need to prepare for that too, because I might be wrong, but if you prepare yourself for a long-term stay at home, and by chance it ends sooner, then the upcoming period will be easier, and ultimately, that would be the most important thing right now.

So that the upcoming period is easier for as many people as possible. 

If our old world no longer exists, then we must build a new one. And that's exactly what we're going to do.