How did we get here...

The other day I was chatting with an acquaintance. We talked about everyday topics, just random things. We philosophized about politics, about daily life, which are exactly the kinds of topics people discuss every day.

After a while, as always, every time I meet someone, Tilt came up again, and this time I was overcome with ennui, weariness, and a sense of being fed up. That’s exactly the feeling I’ve had for almost a year now when my work comes up. Because that’s what this is about, Tilt has become my job. A cool little blog turned into a business venture. Exactly the kind of company I ran away from back in 2011 because I needed a place to blow off steam. I needed something where I could express the accumulated thoughts, feelings, and conclusions that gather in me from the everyday fuck-ups.

Lifetilt, my refuge, has been destroyed. Lifetilt has reached a point where it’s about nothing anymore. It pains me to admit this, but Lifetilt, like me, has become empty. It's no longer about anything but pushing supplements and food, one transformation program after another, and to fill the void caused by my lack of writing, I post idiotic pictures on Facebook to maintain interest and keep people on the page.

For months, I dare say almost a year and a half, I haven’t been able to write a single miserable post the way I want to, about what I want, and in the style I want, because what if the text pisses off Mrs. Kiss Jánosné, who sashayed in from God knows where a few weeks ago, and I lose out on a Pyruvate order, or she doesn't try one of my flavored proteins? And writing this down feels worse than the days when I realize it.

Lifetilt is the best thing that has happened on the internet in the last 15 years (after Trollfoci, of course), and what has it become now? A miserable marketing page where we incessantly push content about my products, claiming we are the first, the best, the fucking kings who can help you lose weight healthily, effectively, and not least, visibly. Let's be clear, this is true. But if my 2011 self saw my current self, after puking all over myself, I would be the first to send myself to hell for what I've become, for what I've turned Tilt into.

The fire has gone out, the everyday thoughts that allowed Tilt to become what it is are lost, and the conclusion that everyone must draw at the end of every process sooner or later, for me, is that Lifetilt has completely slipped out of my hands, I can no longer manage it. I would have to split myself in so many directions that it simply exceeds my capabilities. I don't know how visible this is from the outside, but Tilt has become huge. The pillars it stands on (supplements, food, paid transformations) would each require a separate person and would generate insane profits on their own, which they do. And I haven't even talked about writing posts, which, of course, I should write in a way that motivates and mobilizes such energy that I can persuade masses of women through the internet to get off their asses, do something with themselves, and if possible, with their lives too, because you shouldn't be wallowing at home, messing around with the "what did I do wrong" question, but rather doing something to make it better.

I simply want to write freely, as I used to. Freely, without any restrictions or compromises, because that’s what made Tilt stand out, that’s what made it grow beyond all my other bullshit lifestyle pages – the fact that there was one person who wrote the posts. This is the soul of the whole thing, this is what the protein business was built on, and this is why the courier is at your door with food every day.

Now the decision has been made to hire a girl, some social media whiz, who will post awesome content on the Lifetilt Facebook wall, which will boost sales and further accelerate demand. I’m about to puke, seriously. Has Tilt really come to this? And the answer is yes, and at this point, my heart breaks.

In 2012, after Lifetilt's, I don't even know, umpteenth explosion, I went to a psychologist, a kind of life coach who trains corporate executives to cope with the pressure that necessarily comes with a company's development. I needed it because there was a period when I couldn't process everything that fell on me. Too much emotion was coming my way, and I needed someone to help me not collapse. The thank-you letters I received, expressing gratitude for their changed lives and detailing how much the posts helped them, but of course, a lot of negativity also poured over me. Hatred, pettiness, petty thoughts I received, because this country is just like that: if someone moves forward, if someone develops and achieves more than an average person, well, they can really hate them, even though everything I have or had, I achieved through my own efforts and a hell of a lot of work.

Well, the point is that this life coach, or let's call him a psychologist, asked me a question that went like this.

I have to decide whether Lifetilt remains a blog, or if I grow into the task and treat it as a business venture, because the two won't work together. Which one do I choose?

Back then, I thought I didn't have to choose, that both could work together, because everyone should keep one thing in mind. Only that enterprise, relationship, profession, whatever we label it, can be successful if it is authentic, comes from the heart, and contains genuine emotions. Nothing else matters, only these underlying contents.

People make decisions based on emotions; they buy because of emotions. They need something that moves them, that generates emotions within them. They buy Lifetilt supplements because they received emotions, guidance, and selfless help from me over the past years, and that's precisely why they order my food too, and that's why every campaign or transformation or anything I start is successful. If I were selling glittery unicorn llamas, they'd buy those too if they had the Lifetilt logo, and that's precisely the point: the Lifetilt logo represents an ideology and provides a life-FEELING, conveying emotions. If we take out the emotion, Lifetilt is over, there's no more. If I can't be who I was, if I can no longer convey this emotional surplus through my posts because I'm constrained by the need to conform, by dirty business interests, then the whole thing can go to hell, and honestly, I don't even want to continue like this.

I've reached a point where I'd rather do anything than write posts. I don't know if you noticed, but I didn't write a single damn character about FOOD here, there was no introductory post where I elaborated on how incredibly good the meals I put together are, what healthy ingredients they consist of, and how much work we put into creating it. FOOD is a milestone for Lifetilt, and I couldn't bring myself to write a 1000-word post here before the launch, and that's really bad. I've worked inhumanly hard lately to bring all this to fruition, I put all my energy into it, and meanwhile, I have to face the fact that I come to the site, and I posted the last entry 48 days ago, and I didn't write a single line in that either. This can't go on like this. Or rather, it can, but then I don't want to be a part of it anymore.

Now I should write some sensationalist crap as a closing, but the biggest problem is that I don't even feel like doing that anymore. There's so much I want to write about. I think I'll go back to the beginning.