At home with the child – Day nine

Many people think that my 30-day "At home with the child" commitment is a well-planned, consciously built marketing and PR campaign. The reality, however, is a little sadder than that.

Reni was diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2018, and her treatment has now reached the point where she will be admitted to oncology for 4 days for surgery.

We found out a few weeks ago when the surgery would be. It will be on February 21st, which is tomorrow, and Reni went into the hospital this morning, and I stayed home with our child. We consciously prepared for the surgery and for the 4-5 days that Reni will be in the hospital. That's why I took on childcare for several full days in the recent period, so that the difficulties of childcare wouldn't suddenly overwhelm me when she couldn't help me at all.

I didn't commit to consecutive days, but rather spontaneous days, to get used to it. 10 days ago, after several days spent at home with the child, a feeling came over me, and I wrote the infamous post "It's good to be home with the child, why isn't this good for mothers," in which the internet basically collapsed on me, asking how I could even imagine such a thing.

I am an impulsive person. I make all my decisions immediately based on feeling, but especially if I made a mistake before. That post of mine was such a mistake, and I reacted to it by starting this 30-day commitment. As it turned out later, and the past few days have amply confirmed this, it was a good decision on my part to switch to home mode now. It was a good decision because I prepared myself for the days without Reni not with just a few days at home, but with a longer commitment.

I feel prepared for the coming days and weeks, and although I've had difficulties, Reni also went into the hospital more calmly because she knows everything will be alright at home.

Many family members offered their help. My parents, Reni's parents would have easily taken care of the child, I could have called a babysitter, Reni's sister would have helped everyone, but I said no, we will solve this now, we will get through this period together, I don't need help. I will look after the child alone, and I will keep the house in order.

As for Reni. As I mentioned, she's being admitted for 4-5 days now. I don't know exactly how long because it's impossible to tell when she'll be discharged after the surgery, as a more serious, 2-3 hour operation is expected.

Life arranged it so that the surgery will be on February 21st. On the day my son was born, so we will celebrate Ádi's 1st birthday in the oncology department. I don't know how aware Reni will be after the surgery, but in any case, it's clearer than anything that I will go in with the child and we will be together. Just like we were together 1 year ago.

Reni's illness is medically completely incomprehensible. They can't say why a 30-year-old young woman develops breast cancer. No one can say, because she lives a healthy life, they performed a genetic test on her to see if she had a predisposition, of course, the result of the test was that she had no predisposition, and there was no history of cancerous diseases in her family.

When the doctor informed us that Reni was ill, Reni remarked how good it was that she didn't notice the lump in her breast 3 months later. To which the doctor almost immediately replied, "Oh, madam, if you had come 3 months later..." And he didn't finish the sentence.

Reni received a new type of treatment, which significantly improved her condition, even. The tumor completely regressed and after the surgery, she can be considered cured.

Nothing happens in life without a reason. Reni's illness seemingly has no purpose and no meaning, but we believe it does. For a long time, Reni couldn't decide whether to even talk about her illness, until finally she spoke about it in an Instagram post.

I wrote about this for two reasons now.

One is that when I write my daily reports, I don't have to answer questions like "where is her mother at a time like this, why am I doing everything, Reni could help sometimes." She won't be able to help, because the 4-5 days spent in the hospital are just the beginning, followed by rehabilitation at home. They have already told us that after the surgery, Reni won't be able to lift the child for a long time, and basically anything heavier than 2 kilos. If Reni can't do anything at home for several weeks, it's highly likely that after my 30 days are up, I'll remain in status and continue doing what I'm doing now.

The other reason I wrote about this is much more significant, and in fact, this second point gives one possible meaning to Reni's illness, 

Reni owes her life to the fact that when she noticed the lump in her breast, she IMMEDIATELY went to the doctor and had the usual examinations done.

If she had put it off for a few months, and watched to see if it was still there, if it had grown, or if she had reassured herself that it was definitely a milk gland or started explaining away that it was certainly not what everyone thinks it is in such cases, then she would not have had a chance to recover.

The second point is a very simple message.

Perform self-examinations CONTINUOUSLY and if you notice anything unusual, go to a doctor IMMEDIATELY, because often, that's all it takes to determine whether you recover or not.

As I write this post, Ádi is sleeping. As soon as he wakes up, I'll feed him, and we'll go to his mother. We'll go every day, and I will stand my ground at home every day, that's not even a question anymore.