Will you be a good dad? I'll be the best.

A letter to myself, and to all future fathers.

There's an inherent aspect of parenthood that many people don't consider: you have to do a ton of things every single day that you absolutely don't feel like doing.

Waking up at night, making breakfast at six in the morning, bathing a baby covered in poop, sitting at the playground every day pushing a swing, making sand cakes, sacrificing everything if need be. You can't do anything about it. Either you do it and raise a great child, or you don't and you're a terrible parent who shouldn't have had kids in the first place.

A company is the same. Many times you don't feel like it, you don't want to, you don't do it, the process irritates you, the damn suppliers, your partners, the fact that nothing is ever finished on time. You might dislike it and want to abandon the whole thing, but you can't. It's simply not possible. Or maybe it is, but then your company will fail, and you'll be a terrible leader who flees, who crumbles under difficulties, who takes responsibility for the fate of dozens of people but then doesn't take on the difficulties that come with that responsibility.

Or take this whole healthy lifestyle thing. Maybe you don't feel like exercising, you don't feel like dieting. You can choose not to do it, but you'll look awful, you'll feel awful, your personality will completely distort over time because frustration distorts, and frustration breeds anger, and anger has never built anything. You'll be stuck in a body you don't want to see yourself in, that you don't want to show others, that holds you back, that you're ashamed of, and that makes you sick.

Or you do it and you have a good body that serves you in everyday life, can handle the strain, can handle the pressure, that invigorates you, that makes life good. You always have a choice! You can choose not to do many things, but then you have to accept being a bad husband, a bad father, a bad leader in a boiler body, consumed by his fears and always running away from everything, saying he can't take it anymore.

Or you can be a good husband that a woman adores, a good father to be looked up to, a good leader who is successful, who is followed, a real man in a strong body that can even break through walls if needed. But the latter means you have to wade knee-deep in warm crap every day, and there's no room for "I can't take it," no room for "I have to leave now because this is too much for me," "this is too overwhelming," "I can't handle this much," "I have too much on my shoulders," and ultimately, there's absolutely no room for your demons, because if you're battling them, you can't perform well in any area.

Because if you're afraid for too long, fear becomes reality.

If you're afraid you won't be a good father, then you can be sure you won't be. If you're afraid of what will happen to your company, then your company will fail. You've never won a battle, let alone a board game, with fear.

It's your decision. Everything is your decision.

Every morning you wake up and you decide, but you have to decide this every day and every day choose between your fears and your bullshit, and going and doing even what you absolutely don't feel like doing. If you're afraid, go to therapy, walk the El Camino, spend 3 weeks in a monastery, go to family constellations, learn to breathe, walk across a tightrope, or do anything that moves you forward.

Because the question is usually not whether you are capable of doing it, whether you are suitable for the task, but when you will believe in yourself that you are capable of ten times more.

Anyone who is a fainthearted ass shouldn't have children. Anyone who even for a moment doubts whether they will be a good father should rather cultivate houseplants.

And you, Tomi, how are you with this, are you afraid of fatherhood?

Yes.

But will you be a good father?

I will be the best.