Summer Transformation

If I look out the window now, I see that it's cold outside, bloody cold, people in thick coats, slowly recovering from the shock of the 3-day family rampage, mentally preparing for the obligatory New Year's Eve get-together.

This is the time of year when everyone truly couldn't care less not only about exercise but also about dieting with similar intensity. But why shouldn't they, since there's that magical date, the first day of the new year, January 1st, when the world supposedly turns inside out, when histories are rewritten, and time zones are created, or I don't even know what people believe or hope for at such times, expecting salvation solely from "new year, new hopes."

Everything fits for now. It doesn't matter anymore, because Christmas around here looks like a starving Ethiopian village when UNICEF food aid shipments are being distributed. At such times, we eat as if there were no tomorrow, we view Christmas as if it were outside astronomical timekeeping, and just like in Las Vegas, during Christmas time, the legend comes alive, meaning what happens there, stays there. The feeling of "now I can, because now I'm free" meets the families' year-long compensation for affection, which often takes the form of food, and this conjunction is capable of wonders, regarding the number of calories consumed and the body image issues that arise after the holidays.

In the last period of the year, i.e., from mid-November until the aforementioned divine January 1st, people tend to adopt this "nothing matters anymore" state, because the holidays are coming, not to mention New Year's Eve, the celebration of alcohol. It really doesn't matter what happens now, because the new year will come, and then, then we'll work everything off, nothing counts now.

These date-bound milestones and significant events are good, when we expect our lives to improve solely because we reach a certain date. As if anything would change with the arrival of that point. A thousand years wouldn't be enough to make people understand that Monday is no different from Wednesday, January 1st is just like February 22nd, the scale is not a measure of your progress, midnight doesn't separate anything from anything, and I could go on and on with these completely misleading bullshit, but that's not the point now, and I don't feel like talking to a brick wall lately anyway.

The situation is that on January 1st, the sun will rise just as it has always done, and absolutely no change will occur in your life just because you'll be writing 2014 instead of 2013, feeling what you already felt last year, that you should change something.

However, this post is not about "new year, new hopes," "you'll do it now," "you'll start with a clean slate," because as the more intellectually gifted readers might have already gathered from the tone of the post so far, this is absolutely not what it will be about. I would leave this kind of self-deception to the other perfectly bland, mass-produced shitty fitness pages that everyone probably encounters daily on Facebook anyway.

As this post is being written, it's December 28, 2013, more than half a year before the first days of summer. At this time, even the world's greatest creative minds and fashion dictators, meaning all women, for these days and probably for another 2-3 months, can surely figure out how to hide those parts of their bodies they don't want to show. What to wear with what, so that it just seems, but only seems, as if there's no problem at all.

I will have ambivalent feelings at this point, because how the hell is it that when it comes to clothing and showing their bodies, women, on the one hand, perfectly see their flaws, assess their situation by understanding connections, and solve their problems with almost engineering precision, but if we apply the same to any other area of life, huge problems arise. How is it that then not only distinguishing left from right is not a problem, but millimeter-accurate orientation on their own bodies also causes no trouble? Laser-precise assessment of distances, the fall of a skirt on their legs, the lines of blouses and tops at the waist. A damn map reading or spatial placement of anything, they can't do it, but to move and hold their bodies every minute of their lives in a way that looks good from 360 degrees to the very last male gaze, that's solved without a problem for a lifetime. Anyway, let it go. It's totally pointless. I don't even know why I get into these things.

For many, it still seems distant, but despite the cold evenings and the raging winter, summer is closer than we might think. Six months, and June first will arrive, but let's not forget that the good weather starts already in mid-April, meaning those days are mercilessly approaching when there will be only a very thin layer of any material between our bodies and the outside world. What sweaters and winter coats still loosely cover, what black stockings still discreetly hide, will no longer be an alternative after a while.

There's a saying, "cross the bridge when you get to it," or something like that. Well, this is absolutely not true for shaping our bodies. You might think now that you still have time to start, that you have plenty of time to start anything until the good weather arrives, but the "oh, we'll get to it later" life philosophy didn't work out for Mr. Pál Pató, and it certainly won't work for you.

An entire industry has been built around people who will only realize around May that it's almost time to lie out on the beach, festivals are coming, the era of very short skirts and revealing tops, but even if you don't go anywhere, you still have to exist and walk down the street in 35-degree heat.

I say, save yourself from 7-day and similar period diets, from the bullshit disguised as turbo, from diet pills that will most likely ruin your nervous system, and if you really want to feel like a court jester and try the Flabélos, then rather get on the bus number 7 or the washing machine and shake your brains out there. Quick and spectacular weight loss won't happen. If you realize in mid-May that you have a vacation in early June where you somehow need to show up, then the most I can suggest is to start banging your head against the wall and ask yourself why you didn't listen to me when I suggested starting preparations no later than February.

There's no such thing as quick weight loss; instead, you're likely to mess up your body with it, and you'll still look terrible. I've been repeating this for years, and so have many of my colleagues, but I'm not afraid that despite this, tens of thousands will still try to lose 20 kilos in 1 week in the spring of 2014. And the vultures of the weight loss business will be circling above them...

Therefore, and to avoid this endlessly pathetic state, I would like to draw everyone's attention to an alternative. A "tiltes" system, with the help of which you can achieve anything until the good weather arrives, provided you start in time.

So, an alternative, a "tiltes" system, with which you can get the maximum out of your body and show off with a physique during that time of year when you wear the least amount of clothes and the largest area of your body is visible.

The emotional foundations of the method. This will be discussed in the  next post…