Slim3 Vivien 60 days later...

                     

A woman's great art is deception, and her highest aim is appearance and beauty.

I've always been a bad kid. A bad kid in the classic sense of the word, the kind that teachers always got mad at. I learned to forge my parents' signatures almost before I could write properly, and to this day, my parents dread the words "parent-teacher conference." My report cards were regularly filled with warnings from my homeroom teacher and out-of-turn summons for my parents to come in because they needed to talk about my behavior and my disruptive conduct in class. My best friend and classmate at the time was named Ákos, who was as hot-headed as I was, and with whom we did every possible silly thing. We fought with the C-boys, the D-boys, slid under girls in skirts in the hallway, threw snowballs into the open school windows from the street, unscrewed the doorknob so the literature teacher couldn't come in to teach, terrorized the new kids, harassed the old ones, and the question of the week was usually whether I or Ákos would appear in the principal's office that week. So, over the years, they got used to us being asses, and if something happened, the teachers would just ask, "Balogh or Bárdkai?"...

I feel something similar now regarding women, because just as we were, so to speak, "priced" at school due to our actions, I now treat women the same way. What would normally elicit a "go to hell" reaction from me, I have now settled within myself, and I acknowledge even the greatest follies of women with a straight face. I had to realize that they can't help it, and I can't blame them for their completely obvious flaws, because they are simply like that. Vivien wasn't truthful about how many kilos she actually weighed at the beginning of the program. Now, of course, arguments like the old scale and such come up, but it would be pointless to think that Vivien wasn't aware of this when, after her first 15-day post, I pointed out that this weight loss was frankly too little. Vivien is doing the program conscientiously, which is clearly visible in the photos and in the 13 kilos she lost in 2 months. But there is a factor here that is too typical of women, and which manifests itself in such small details, now for the second time after Petra. Women, as I have written several times, are irrational, inconsistent, and self-deception is an integral part of their lives. They invent stories for themselves about life, and create a life full of false ideologies for themselves about almost everything, instead of being able to face themselves and their actions even once by realistically evaluating the processes. This distorted situation and their evaluation of life gives rise to the fact that women are inherently liars, but the saddest part of all is that they do not experience this as a lie, but as the continuity of their imagined world, in which there is order and logic for them. Nietzsche writes the following about women in his book "Ecce Homo": "A woman actually does not want, and cannot want, enlightenment about herself, she only wants to create fear, she wants dominion over all this but she does not want the truth: what does a woman care about the truth! A woman's great art is deception, and her highest aim is appearance and beauty."

 

I've come to realize that the female mind in everyday life doesn't bother with trifles like facts and reality; for them, mathematical and physical correlations don't exist. They live according to laws they construct in their own minds, where 2+2 can be 7 at any time if they convince themselves of it persistently and repeatedly, bringing comfort to themselves. Their feigned weakness, their pretense of helplessness, their imposition of rules based on their false world on men, which they support with emotional blackmail and arguments like "but we discussed it," also paints a false picture of their baseless, created world. What women believe to be true and what is reality usually shows a huge chasm.

I was really pissed off by Petra's lie, but with Vivien, I wasn't even surprised anymore. A girl messaged me yesterday asking what my reaction was when I found out Vivien hadn't told the truth about her weight. Nothing, I replied indifferently. In the last year, because of Tilt, I've come into contact with hundreds of women who regularly opened up to me in their letters and during personal meetings, allowing me to gain insight into areas I wouldn't have had the opportunity to explore in my daily interactions with women. The real crisis of women, and the problems tormenting them. Based on these experiences, I've been writing the blog for some time now, and that's why nothing related to women surprises me anymore. I'm trying to demolish these false worlds in their heads, or simply show them the reality, as a completely independent observer. The blog approaches weight loss from the psychology of the need for change, which is solely decided in the mind, but this won't work with self-deception lived amidst lies and false worlds. Diet, workouts, enduring change, evaluating it properly, and everything else only comes after that...

Vivien

When I signed up for Slim3, I initially categorized myself in the +10 category. Bence told me at our first meeting that I didn't belong there, but would start in the +25 category. When I heard this, I almost cried. I thought, "Oh my God. +25? I can't be in that, I don't have 25kg of excess weight on me." When I told my friends and mom what Bence said, they didn't understand either. We wouldn't have thought I needed to lose that much. I thought this until now, but the other day I was calculating and it turned out Bence was right.

81.5kg. That was my weight on day 0 of the program, but I stated 78kg. We had a scale at home, and when I weighed myself, it showed 78kg. Several of you wrote on the blog after my introductory post that you were sure I weighed more than I stated. Honestly… it felt bad that you were saying that, because I had weighed myself honestly. A few days after starting the program, I was at my boyfriend's place and out of curiosity, I stepped on his scale. Well… it didn't show 78kg. I told my mom that I thought our scale was cheating and it would be good if we bought a new, accurate one. On the new scale, I was 3.5kg heavier.

I read Petra's story a long time ago and saw how upset Bence was that Petra hadn't been honest with him. That's why I didn't tell him that I started at 81.5kg instead of 78kg. It had been my dream since childhood to lose weight, and I was afraid that if this came out, I wouldn't have any more opportunities. At the 45-day post, I was a bit down. There were two possibilities…

1) I wasn't sticking to the diet and runs

2) my starting weight was higher

I don't want anyone to claim that I took opportunities away from others and that I'm overeating and what am I even doing here. That's why I decided to come clean (I know I could have done it sooner) and write everything down so everyone understands. I don't really want to make excuses and I want to close this topic.

Despite this, I am very happy that I have lost 13.5kg in 2 months. I am aware that I still have a good few kilos on me, but I still have one month left in the program. During this time, I would like to lose another 8kg to reach my target of 60kg. I don't know if I will succeed, but I won't be disappointed even if I finish the 90 days at 63kg. Whatever the outcome, I will take a one-month break and then start a 70-day program. Primarily so that for the first time in my life I can wear a bikini in summer and lie proudly on the beach, instead of being wrapped in a towel. Secondly, I have long wanted to be 55kg and I will do everything I can to achieve this.

Before Christmas, there was a day when I woke up feeling terribly dizzy. I told my mom what was wrong, and she said to drink a coffee. I drank two black coffees and still felt very bad. We also measured my blood pressure, and it was terribly low. In the afternoon, I had to sit down about every two steps, so I called Bence to ask what to do. He said that my body was quite depleted of carbohydrates and that I should eat a plate of pasta and I would feel better. And I did. I felt much better afterwards, but I was still quite weak in the evening. I also survived Christmas. Although it was quite disheartening that 2 kg came back in 3 days, for which I dieted and ran for about two weeks. I was very upset then, but luckily after a few days, there was no trace of it. I ate very delicious food, but actually, some of it didn't feel good at all. That came out in all sorts of ways. Apart from these, it was very nice that the family was finally together, and of course, it was also good that wherever we went as guests, everyone praised me endlessly. At work and at school, everyone says how much I've lost weight, and that really brightens my day. I've put on my long-unseen mini-skirts and size 40 trousers again, which were hidden at the bottom of the closet…