Ez egy gyönyörű barátság

Hello 400 forint gasoline. Seriously, if I didn't live in this country, I could even laugh at the processes taking place here. But the situation is becoming more and more hopeless, not that it would hit me hard, as I don't even have a driver's license. This is just a small slice of the prevailing conditions here that I won't go into now, and besides, who cares about my opinion on anything? (An average of 270 people daily). Speaking of gasoline-powered vehicles, spring is coming, and I should probably oil my bike chain soon. Well, yes, that's where I am at 28, I didn't expect this...

Let's move beyond the everyday disappointments and focus on a completely different, more positive world. Wordplay reminds me of a story I have to tell. All my friends went to the same high school, Szent István, which was one of the strongest schools back then. Tibi and Anita also went there. They got together in their second year of high school, and the relationship culminated in a wedding two years ago. One life, one girl, neither before nor since, just the two of them. Ugh, I'm going to throw up, but that's not the point. The wedding itself was huge, the way we showed up in fishing pants, Ákos in a purple shirt, me in no-show socks with Converse, and if I remember correctly, Daven had some incredibly awkward plaid-collared short-sleeved Chinese crap, Pityu in jeans and a Slipknot top. We stood in the back row, really like a rabble. As for the social composition of the wedding, the guy is an investment fund manager for a leading securities firm, and the girl, if I remember correctly, is a literature teacher, but it could be math. Who the hell knows, not that it matters.

The whole wedding was a fail as it was, at least for us. We were 20 minutes late because, in the end, we only decided at Oktogon at the last minute that we weren't going to Margaret Island to play football but to the wedding. We showed up in the clothes I mentioned, and I told Ákos to park in front of the wedding car. Ákos parked so close, but seriously, like 1 centimeter, I'm not kidding. Everyone should imagine the decorated car standing all alone in front of the church, no one in front or behind it, within a 50-meter radius, and then Ákos parks in front of it. I'm still laughing to this day, not specifically at that, but at the faces when they saw it. Pityu only came to the wedding for one thing, which was what made me think of this whole story. We were talking about wordplay, right? I've always looked up with admiration at parents who are such assholes that they give their kids names that might make them laugh their asses off in the waiting room of delivery room 2C, but they really screw up the kid and seal their fate for life when they grow up, that's for sure. This happened in our case too, because the bride was called Kalapin Anita. I'll give everyone a moment to let it sink in….

Yes, Kalapin Anita! Kids, no joke, we went to the wedding just for that name because we had to hear it said in front of 200 people. And when the priest asked... "Kalapin Anita, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband..." Pityu was literally crying with laughter, but by then it didn't matter because even though there were only 5 of us in the back, there's a state where foolishness spreads in a chain, and we were already laughing at everything. I don't know how much we disrupted the ceremony, but Marci, who I think was Tibi's best man, came back and subtly hinted that we could, in fact, go to hell. There was a pub next to the church, so we set up camp there. With a perfect view of the church entrance, so when people started coming out, we had to leave because, let's not forget, Ákos's 1.4 VW Polo was still parked in front of the wedding car.

Ata was also damn nervous, and so was Marci. Little shits in suits, of course, and tempers started to flare because Anita's parents heard that some utterly clueless idiot had parked in front of the church. Oh, I can't. Ata's face will be etched in my mind forever as he threatened Ákos. "Move that limo immediately, I don't want a scandal, and besides, look at us." Of course, Ákos got pissed off at this point and became stubborn. The car stayed, the parents came. Now, everyone imagine a kid about whom you need to know the following. Yes, we're talking about Ata. So many stories come to mind now that can always floor me, but I still have to tell this one.

Ata, the straight-A student, teaching assistant at the Faculty of Economics, edited KöMaL (high school math and physics journals) during high school. If that doesn't mean anything to you, be happy, because you most likely had a normal teenage life, i.e., you lost your virginity before you were 18. Ata once told me, and this is the biggest facepalm remark I've ever heard

”I don't screw women from behind because I don't humiliate them that much; I respect them more than that.”

Sick. Oh, right, for me, 9 years weren't enough to convince him that yes, there are one-night stands, and there are girls who'll give you a blowjob in the bathroom. He didn't believe it then and still doesn't. I love the guy, by the way, but damn, he married the first girl who let him kiss her. Too bad he had to travel all the way to Oswego University in New York state for this girl, where a Mexican girl allowed him to. Needless to say, we had the wedding in Mexico a few months ago.

So it must have been 2004, summer. We're standing at the bus stop at dawn, Ata totally drunk, meaning he drank 3 small Heinekens and a scouting wild raspberry, so he's just explaining that there's a lawyer girl, who's already such a fucking bitch because no matter how kind he is to her, inviting her here and there, she's not interested and prefers to be with some boorish dickhead, and anyway, everyone's mother is a whore. So he's there cussing at girls, and that he doesn't care, he's just going to screw women LOOOOOL. THEN a big, muscular guy walks up to him and says the following to Ata, face to face. But damn, we didn't even know who the guy was, he just heard the conversation.

“Listen, with teeth like that, hair like that, and a face like that, you could have been with two women at most, if any at all. What kind of screwing, what kind of girls? Get off your high horse, man!”

Ata freezes, Ádi looks at me, I'm climbing out of a bush because I fell in from laughing so hard, the guy leaves, and something was born there, because this has been a point of reference ever since whenever Ata comes up. So you have to imagine a guy like that, and now let's jump back to the wedding because this gentle, really good guy got angry and attacked Ákos on the steps in front of the church (he hit him with his fist, don't you get it?) to immediately move away from the wedding car. My God, how great all of this was, it was a scene as big as a house. We somehow didn't make it to the wedding dinner, but I've loved weddings ever since.

Needless to say, this post started as a report on my C-day at the gym during my prep week, right? These are classic things. And don't forget the most important social media rule: any girl who likes your post has either been with you, can be with you, or wants to be with you...